I hate clothes shopping.
There, I said it, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I know, it completely defies the very nature of my gender, but I guess I am just missing the chromosome that makes girls giddy about spending time shopping for clothes and shoes. This is another one of those weird things about me that I’m sure tops Steven’s “Reasons My Wife Is Awesome” list. In fact, the only shopping that I actually enjoy is when I head to the bookstore to buy a new book. I could spend days in a bookstore, browsing the titles, plucking interesting books from the shelves and skimming the first few pages to see if something catches my interest. Often, I get so caught up in my search for new things to read that I completely lose track of time. Like an alien abductee, I look at a clock and suddenly realize that several hours have passed without me even noticing.
Take me along on an excursion to buy new clothes or shoes and I can actually feel my blood pressure begin to rise as I walk into the store. Perhaps it’s the fact that I’ve always been pretty self-conscious, but I just never feel like anything looks good on me. I hate having to try things on because nothing ever fits right. I hate carrying an armful of clothes into a dressing room only to discover that I’ve either chosen things too big or too small, and now I can’t even remember where I found them in the first place. Things are always either too tight, too baggy, too loose, too scratchy, too short, too long, or too small. When something fits perfectly through the shoulders, it is way too baggy in the waist or vice versa. There is never a happy medium.
I used to drive my Mom crazy on shopping trips. She and Lindy loooooove to shop. Lindy could spend hours trying on clothes and shoes and looking for new outfits, while Mom shopped for clothing, shoes and purses. When I was very young and we lived in McCook, there was one department store we frequented that had a mechanical horse in the back near the dressing rooms for the kids to ride. You didn’t even need quarters. You could just flip the switch on the wall and ride forever. At least in that store, I had something to keep me occupied.
In other stores, I had no other choice but to get creative and try to entertain myself so I wouldn’t drop dead of boredom. I would pretend that I was a secret agent on a covert mission, assigned to the clothing store to apprehend several known criminals. I would conceal myself in the middle of the clothing racks, eavesdropping on the conversations going on in the aisles around me and waiting for the right moment to jump out and catch the perps by surprise. Needless to say, Mom wasn’t every impressed with my antics on most of our shopping trips.
As I got older, I left my childish games behind and instead became a very stubborn shopper. I refused to try things on, and instead bought everything by repetition (buying new versions or a variety of colors of the things I already owned and actually liked) or by simply eyeballing the size of a piece of clothing that struck my fancy. I am notorious for finding a pair or jeans or shirt that I like, and then buying five or six of them (in different colors), wearing them until they completely wear out, and then going out and buying five or six more of the exact same thing. With shoes, I am even worse. I find a couple pairs I like and then I wear them until they are completely falling apart. I’ve been wearing my flowered Doc Martens for well over 10 years now, and plan to keep wearing them until the soles are literally worn off, or until they officially disintegrate beyond repair.
Now that I am a parent, I realize that I not only have to shop for myself, I am now responsible for shopping for my child. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse! I have to say, I do have a bit more tolerance when I am picking things out for Cadence. After all, there are just some really cute kids clothes, and it’s a nice change of pace being able to pick things off the racks that she will look adorable in. I do think she has a bit of my impatience for clothes shopping though, because she tends to get a little stir crazy if we are in the store longer than 20 minutes. Good thing she’s got her crazy, anti-shopping mother to keep her entertained when we go shopping with people who exceed our 20-minute Clothes Shopping Limit.
Today’s 365 Project is dedicated to all the other anti-shopping girls out there, and to all the fun things we do to keep ourselves sane while we are waiting on our shopoholic friends.
|What do we have here?|
|Oh yeah baby! How cool am I gonna look?|
|I’m too sexy!|