I always enjoyed family vacations when I was younger. Yeah, we had to indulge the fact that my father fancied himself a real-life Clark W. Griswold, which meant many of our family vacations involved traveling in our old diarrhea-brown station wagon and taking detours that led us past American landmarks like the World Largest Ball of Twine in Cawker City, Kansas. But even so, we always had a good time. We roadtripped to Dallas and Denver. We visited Mount Rushmore and and whitewater rafted on the Colorado River.
If there was one complaint during the trips though, it would definitely be the sleeping arrangements. I didn’t mind having to share a bed with my sister on our family vacations. She never hogged the covers, and most of the time she would just put on her headphones, roll over, and go to sleep. My problem was that even with my own Walkman cranked up to a ridiculous level, I could never seem to drown out the sound of my father’s snoring. All I could hope is that I managed to fall asleep before he did (which didn’t happen very often), so I wouldn’t have to spend our entire family vacation stumbling around in a sleep-deprived stupor.
The funny part is that he is totally in denial. He refuses to believe that he snores at all, despite the fact that he actually wakes himself up on a regular basis. He used to blame the snoring sounds on the dogs, but now that they are gone, he usually defaults to blaming it on my Mom. She’s not totally innocent herself, but she’s got the lighter, breathy snore while Dad’s deep, rattling snore sounds more like a metal spoon stuck in a garbage disposal.
Even funnier is the fact that Duane can go from a raucous conversation to a deep, snoring sleep in about 37 seconds. Yeah, I’ve timed it. One minute he’s talking and laughing and cheering on his Denver Broncos. The next minute he’s fast asleep. How does that even happen? Is he narcoleptic? Sleep-deprived? Blessed with sleeping super powers?
We will probably never know. But at least we can get a few chuckles out of it when he falls asleep in a room full of people with camera phones. Here, my readers, is just a taste of how it begins…
Tonight’s 365 Project is dedicated to my dear ol’ Dad. Nobody snores like Duane snores. I’ll bet money on that.