Excavation 2012 – Day #19 – How Do You Resist When It’s So Bad Ass?

I hate shopping.

I know, what a very un-girl-like thing for me to say. But it’s true. I hate shopping. Hate it. Loathe it. Detest it. Despise it. I would rather have my kneecaps broken, my toenails torn off and my eyeballs punctured by red hot needles than have to spend a day shopping. The only exception would be book shopping, but even that has its limits.

Because of my absolute abhorrance of wasting my time shopping, I have developed something of an overdeveloped sense of brand loyalty. See, here’s the thing–I find something I like, whether it be a pair of jeans, a bottle of shampoo, or a television, and I will stick with it and keep buying the same one over and over and over again until it is no longer available, or until it fails me and I am faced with the bleak reality of trying to find a new favorite.

For instance, I have been a Sony girl ever since I bought my first stereo with my Christmas and allowance money back in 1993. I researched and shopped around and listened to several different brands and models in the store before finally settling on the one I wanted. Since then, I have been buying Sony electronics almost exclusively–TV’s, DVD and Blu-ray players, stereos, etc.–and until Sony disappoints me, I am unlikely to even try another brand.

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right?

While my brand loyalty has served me well over the years–on everything from my favorite Levi’s jeans to my trusty Pentax camera–there have been a few occasions where it has led me a bit astray.

Case in point–The Bad Ass Coffee Company.

I had my first taste of Bad Ass Coffee in Orlando, Florida in 2004. I was on a business trip, and there happened to be a Bad Ass Coffee Shop across the street from my hotel. I’d never heard of the place, but I was in dire need of my morning cup of Joe, so I decided to give it a try.

It. Was. Heaven.

In the words of Special Agent Dale Cooper, it was a “Damn fine cup of coffee!” In all honesty, the best coffee ever. To this day, I haven’t found any coffee that comes close.

While I should have been concentrating on talking to prospective students and handing out information at our Concordia College booth, all I could think about was my next cup of coffee.

I’m telling you, it was really that good.

I was in town for all of four days, and I must have drank about 37 cups of coffee. The last few hours before I had to head back to the airport to catch my flight, I was over in the Bad Ass store buying as many bags of coffee as I could fit in my suitcase. I also picked up a couple random pieces of merchandise because really, how do you resist when it’s Bad Ass? In hindsight, I think perhaps my last minute impulse buying may have also had a lot to do with the fact that I was hopped up on enough caffeine to kill a full grown gorilla.

You know what they say about hindsight, right?

While Bad Ass is still, hands down, my favorite coffee, I have managed to get my addiction under control. I can order bags of coffee through their online store when the mood strikes me, and I no longer have the urge to dress myself from head to toe in Bad Ass merchandise because, let’s face it, while they may have the finest coffee in all of the world, they should really stick to what they know and not branch out into things like, oh…I don’t know…chapstick?

Yeah, this one was pretty much an epic fail when I bought it. I used it once or twice and hated it. It was too thin, too greasy, and smelled too much like suntan lotion. Of course, I had a hard time letting any of my Bad Ass stuff go, so this little tin of Pina Colada scented hemp and shea butter Bad Ass lib balm got shuffled around from drawer to drawer over the years, eventually ending up in one of the compartments in my backpack.

Two nights ago, I was in desperate need of some chapstick, and couldn’t seem to locate any of the 23 tubes that are currently circulating through the house. I happened upon my old Bad Ass lip balm and figured it would do in a pinch.

Wrong.

I don’t know if lip balm is supposed to have an expiration date, but I’m pretty sure this stuff fermented or something. Any coconutty pina colada smell was long gone. Instead, it smelled like a mixture of mustard and vinegar. I thought maybe my stuffy nose was just playing tricks on me. Then my lips started to itch and tingle about two minutes after putting it on. By the time I woke the next morning, they were completely dry and flaking and rough to the touch.

Damn you Bad Ass lip balm. You have officially worn out your welcome. In the garbage you go. Good riddance.

The coffee though? Mmmmm…still my favorite. Whether you’re a coffee connoisseur, or someone who likes to pretend to like coffee while sipping on the bullshit frou-frou drinks from places like Starbucks that are more milk, sugar, artificial flavoring and cream than actual coffee–you need to try some Bad Ass coffee. Click HERE to visit the website and see if there is an actual store near you. Otherwise, order a bag for yourself and see what all the fuss is about. You won’t be sorry.

Just stay away from the other merchandise in the store. 😉