Day 135 & 136 – Tired

Yep, I did it. Two-for-one blog post tonight.

Remember…my blog, my rules.

I’m playing catch up and making it easy, because my fitness tracker is starting to scold me. It’s been a week of averaging 5.5 hours of sleep a night, long days at work, after work meetings, kids’ activities, trying to catch up on house work and prepare for a very busy June. After not even getting home until almost 9:30 last night, I’m taking things easy and leaving you with this…

And now, it’s time for bed–a full 8 hours of bliss. I’ll catch you on the flip side. 🙂

Day 99 – Work in progress

I’ve got a confession to make…I’ve been phoning it in a bit with this 365 Project.

I know that’s not coming as a shock to anyone who’s actually been reading this thing.

There have been far too many late nights, far too many days that got away from me and the writing became an afterthought. And wasn’t that the point of this whole project anyway–to get me writing regularly again?

I”ve got no one to blame but myself. No real excuses, other than the fact that life is busy and there’s so much going on during the day at work that sometimes it follows me home and takes over those hours late in the evening after everyone else in the house has gone to bed, those hours when I should be writing or sleeping or doing anything BUT working.

What can I say? Experiment. Fail. Learn. Repeat.

I’m finding my way, slowly. And I’ll get there, eventually. I just have to give myself some time to adjust and find my balance.

Until then, I’ll just keep trying to do some good and do a little better every day.

Bear with me.

Day 87 – The balancing act

I was standing in my kitchen tonight–I’d put the kids to bed and finally had a chance to sit down and eat some dinner. With my right hand, I was putting my dirty bowl in the sink and turning on the water to rinse it. With my left hand, I grabbed a cup from the cabinet and reached over to begin filling it from the water dispenser in the fridge. I stood for a few moments, water running on either side of me, looking back and forth between these two tasks to make sure nothing spilled or ran over.

And in that brief moment I thought, “This is a perfect sample-size snapshot of my daily life–splitting my time between a myriad of tasks, often juggling two, three, twelve things simultaneously and trying like hell not to keep my wits about me and not let anything drop.

It’s challenging and some days it’s downright exhausting, but it’s exhilarating too. And all I can do is my best, and then try to do better the next day.

Day 3 – Texting & Parenting

I’ve gotten to a stage in my life where I don’t feel like a liar saying I’m an open book. Ask me anything and I’ll tell you what I think, even if it’s not a popular opinion, even if it’s uncomfortable. I think I’ve just gotten to a point where it’s far too exhausting not to speak my truth or own my opinions. I’d much rather people know what I’m thinking or where I stand than to come across as “hard-to-read” or ambivalent.

On the flip side, I appreciate matter of factness. I sometimes think living nine years in New York had something to do with it. I’ll go to my grave arguing that New Yorkers get a bad rap. They’re stereotyped as being mean, overly aggressive, loud, obnoxious, any number of adjectives that basically translates to people generally believing all New Yorkers go out of their way to be assholes.

(Okay, so maybe I can’t really argue that New Yorkers aren’t loud, but come on, in a city with that many people and that much traffic and that much noise, they’ve simply evolved to have a baseline volume that’s closer to rock concert than bedtime lullaby. We really can’t fault them for that, now can we?)

In my experience, New Yorkers are some of the kindest, most attentive, and most delightfully down-to-earth people I’ve met. That being said, they’re busy people, and they have a low tolerance for bullshit. They’re going to tell you exactly what they think. Direct. To the point. And then move on. Call it aggressive or abrasive if you want, but I’d choose that simple blunt honesty over an intricately choreographed dance to soften the truth any day.

We’ve got such a limited amount of time to spend on this planet–why waste it trying to be something or someone we’re not?

One of my friends texted me this week, not exactly seeking advice, but I could tell she had things weighing on her mind and that always spurs me to speak. She’s at that point in her life where she’s married, progressing well in her career, just bought her first home, and she’s thinking about kids. She understands what a monumental decision it is to bring a new little life into this world. She knows that a baby changes the course of everything.

Her text opened a vein of thoughts, so I took a few moments to type a reply.

**Disclaimer to anyone who ever decides to text me–While I use and greatly appreciate emojis, GIFs, and a well-placed meme, you will never get a short, cursory LOL, TTYL, or OMG-filled response from me. If full sentences and paragraphs via text bother you, it’s best not to engage. You’ve been warned.

Regaining Balance

It’s been way to long since I blogged. That’s how I know things are out of balance…when I can’t find any time in my day to sit down and compose a few thoughts just for myself. I haven’t picked up a camera and taken a picture of my own kid, my own family (other than random iPhone photos) in months. I haven’t had enough time or energy to sit down and write much much of anything for a couple of weeks now. Even my memoir project has hit a minor stall.

But the tides are finally turning, and I feel good about the way things are heading.

After saying goodbye to my Poppa D (my birthfather’s father), surviving a 10-day work trip that ended with a nasty eye infection, and deciding to finally leave behind a job that I’d grown tired to trying to “fix”, there are new adventures and opportunities on the horizon.  I’m making great strides working on the memoir. I’ve made some really great friends and gained some really great experience after returning to an office job a little less than a year ago. And I’ve got a brand new job starting in two weeks.

After such a rough ride, and so many forks in the road, it’s nice to finally crest the hill and see the open road stretching out before me.

But at this stage of the game, even when I can see a storm brewing in the distance, I know I can handle it. All I have to do is hold on, and try to enjoy (or at least appreciate) the ride.

Let’s go. I got this.

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