I really should be in bed. It’s been a rough week sleep-wise. Henry is working on another tooth (or three), Stevie was up one night not feeling well and then headed out of town, Cadence ended up in my bed and coughed through the night from her allergies, Electra has been alternating between snoring, howling in her sleep, and dropping noxious gas bombs in the middle of the night, and I…well…I can’t seem to turn my brain off once the kids go to bed and the house finally gets quiet.
Yeah, you know I had to do it…
Call me a geek, but I still get giddy every time I get a writing assignment.
Every single time.
I was still a child when I realized that I see the world in words. To most people they are just sounds, streaks of black on the crisp whiteness of the page. But to me, words are tangible. They have depth and breadth and weight. They hang in the air over conversations. I see them, somewhere in the space between my eyes and eyelids, even when I am falling asleep.
For me, a day without writing–even if it’s just this blog post, or a heartfelt note to a friend–always feels like a day wasted, like maybe I’m not holding up my end of the bargain here on earth.
So yeah, I get excited for any writing opportunity I get, because there’s something about that moment, when I press the pen to paper that makes me feel like all is right with the world.
After two really horrible nights of sleep (or rather, non-sleep, since Henry let me get maybe 4 hours total), why am I still up? Well, because I found a batch of photos that I haven’t gotten around to processing, and there are a few shots I know I want to add to my archives to use for some upcoming issues of a newsletter at work. Like this one…
Okay, I seriously need to unplug now.
I wasn’t sure I was going to get a blog post written tonight. Things are a little crazy around here lately (um…yeah…always). But even if we tend to live in a constant state of chaos, things have been a little more chaotic than usual with the kids and Cadence’s activities and work obligations and sickness and all the other little things that just sort of pop up out of nowhere and seem to suck hours right out of our days.
Hell, I was having a hard time even remembering what day it was today. They’re all sort of running into each other at this point.
Yet even with everything that is going on and pulling us in a million different directions and stretching us so very, very thin, I have faith.
Yes, I have faith in God, and yet that’s not all I’m really talking about here (although that is an important part of it all, now isn’t it?). I have faith that we will get through all of this. I have faith that we will get things done. I have faith that we will be able to be strong when we need to. I have faith that one of these days, Mr. Henry is going to start going down for the night and sleeping consistently instead of dragging us along on this rollercoaster of exhaustion that keeps him fussing and waking every 45 minutes or so after we try to put him to bed.
Philosopher Alan Watts once said, “To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don’t grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float.”
It can be the hardest thing, to let go and trust that you will be able to keep your head above water when every cell in your body is screaming to thrash and fight and SWIM DAMMIT! But forcing yourself to just keep swimming, just keep swimming when you’re paddling so furiously against the current, well folks, that’s a very good way to drown. It takes courage and strength and a helluva resolve, but sometimes, many times, just closing your eyes and taking a deep breath and giving yourself up to float is the only way to survive.
Out here now, in the deep with so many miles yet to go, maybe it’s time to relax and float. We’ll get where we’re going. Just gotta have faith.
It’s been awhile since I’ve done some kind of an “About Me” post (although pretty much every post on this blog will tell you something about me), so I thought maybe I’d throw a few things out there about myself, and then ask the folks out there reading my blog to post something about themselves in the comments.
I like to know who my stalkers are, and I want to see if I need to be stalking anyone in return. Come on, it’ll be fun.
So here, you go. This is me, in bullet points…
*When I was 4, my Mom caught me just as I was sleepwalking out the back door of the house in the middle of the night, and in college I once cleaned my entire dorm room in my sleep. I married a guy who occasionally dreams of aliens and screams in his sleep. We’re quite a pair.
*I am addicted to coffee and chocolate. Give me a freshly brewed cup of Bad Ass Tropical Coconut coffee and a Cadbury Creme Egg and I’m in heaven.
*Last summer, I went on a work trip to Kentucky and developed a taste for bourbon. Give me a small glass of Basil Hayden’s neat and I’m a happy girl.
*I have a 5-minute Complaint Rule that I live by–Bitch and moan all you want for 5 minutes. After that, it’s time to figure out what you need to do to fix the problem. And if it can’t be fixed, time to move the hell on.
*I am ridiculously good a first-person shooter games. I have yet to meet anyone who can beat me playing multiplayer mode on James Bond or Perfect Dark (and yes, I still have my Nintendo64, so anytime you want to challenge me to a game, bring it on!).
*I believe that some people come into my life for the sole purpose of teaching me patience.
*I secretly want to be an FBI profiler and catch serial killers…or work on the X-Files.
*I am a borderline book hoarder. I still have every textbook from college (undergrad and grad school), with the exception of one religion book I sold back on principle because it was so poorly written (I draw the line at finding numerous typos).
*I’ve always been a bit of a wallflower, but I married the Homecoming King. Somehow, we’re perfect together.
*I cannot work at an empty desk. My husband calls it clutter, but from that organized mess, I draw my inspiration.
*I’ve seen a lot of great movies, but my favorite is still Dirty Dancing.
*In high school, I drove a puke green 1969 Buick Skylark. I miss it every day.
*If I won the lottery, I would write, take classes, and travel for the rest of my life.
*There’s something about string instruments–piano, violin, cello, guitar, etc.–that hits me right in the soul.
*I have a love/hate relationship with bananas.
*I think I would probably go crazy if I couldn’t write.
*I cannot sleep without covers, even when it’s hot.
*I’ve had two babies and was in labor with my daughter for almost 72 hours, but I still couldn’t tell you what a contraction feels like. Because of this, my husband (and a small group of nurses in Arizona) believe that I have superhuman powers.
*Carol Burnett and Ellen Degeneres are tied at the top of my People I’d Like to Have a Beer With list. David Lynch is a close 2nd.
*I handwrite at least one draft of everything before typing it (with the exception of blog posts).
*If I could only listen to one band for the rest of my life, it would be Heart. Ann and Nancy Wilson rock. End of story.
*I believe in God, ghosts, guardian angels, and gratitude. I believe you reap what you sow. I believe that there is evil in this world, but there is far more goodness. I believe that miracles happen every day if you take the time to notice them. I believe that people can change if they really want to. I believe in saying sorry. I believe in hugs, handshakes, hard work, and humility. I believe that one smile and one small act of kindness can turn a whole day around. I believe you should always trust your intuition. I believe in taking chances. I believe that everything happens for a reason, even if we can’t see the bigger picture at that moment. I believe in love at first sight, losing yourself in a good book, and letting go.
*One day, I will write a book.