Day 84 – My Favorite Murder saves the world

Yes, I’m posting two blogs tonight (you’re not going crazy). Gotta make up for yesterday’s lapse. Yep, my blog my rules. And I’ve got a damn good excuse.

I came a little late to the My Favorite Murder party, finally downloading and listening to the first episode almost a full year after the podcast began. But I was hooked immediately. I mean, come on…this is the girl who started watching horror movies at age 6, the girl who read Helter Skelter at 11, the girl who took an actual college class studying serial killers (called “Dial M for Murder, thanks Dr. Maida!). This is the girl who is obsessed with the human mind, what motivates people, what gives them purpose, what makes them tick.

Trying to explain this podcast to people who’ve never heard it always elicits a reaction of initial what-the-fuckery. I mean, explaining that it’s stories of murder and horrific true crimes mixed with comedy and the sort of uncensored, real talk that only happens between true friends, between people who really love and trust each other, who respect each other as perfectly imperfect human beings–well, somehow the explanation just sorta gets lost in translation (and frankly, some folks raise a wary eyebrow and tune out after you mention comedy and murder together in the same sentence).

It’s honestly the same reason I’m still deeply invested in shows like The Walking Dead. Because it’s not really a show about zombies–it’s a show about the unfiltered rawness of human nature, about the choices people will make in a world gone to shit to either love each other in spite of the pain or treat each other with unimaginable cruelty for personal gain.

And the only way we can really fight the horror and the cruelty is the talk about it, to stare it in the face and rise up against it and force it back down.

So I joined the leagues of the Murderinos. Karen and Georgia have been my constant companions on my commute to work, while I’m cooking dinner or working out (okay yeah, we haven’t spent a whole lot of time together working out, but every little bit counts, right?) Sometimes I even pop in the earphones when I need to dig into a tedious project at work like tackling the piles of paperwork that need filing or clearing out old emails.

When the 2019 tour was announced and I saw Omaha on the list, I asked Stevie if he would please, please, please pretty please go online as soon as the pre-sale started and get us some tickets after I found out I’d be in a full-day job interview without a break. And if you know Stevie Romano, you know he didn’t just get me tickets…this man-on-a-mission hopped online and managed to get us VIP Meet & Greet tickets. Husband of the freakin’ year! (And to make the day even better, I ended up getting that job I spent the day interviewing for.)

The theater erupted when Karen & Georgia took the stage. And the audience nearly blew the roof off the Orpheum when they thanked us all for coming out to the show in the midst of all the hardship happening around us right now here in Nebraska, and announced that they would be donating $10,000 to the flood relief. We sat three rows from the stage and spent the evening listening to stories and laughing with these two badass women who (at this point three full years into this podcast) feel like old friends.

It was a late night, and we stood in a long line waiting for our turn to chat with the two gracious hosts. And even if we only got a few minutes with them to say hello and share hugs and snap a photo, Karen and Georgia have this incredible way of making you feel like you’re the most important people in the world when they grab you by the hand and ask your name and hug you tight.

Thank you to these strong, passionate women for taking the stage and shining their light out into the world and creating such a powerful community. What an honor to be a small part of it.

SSDGM

Day 75 – #NebraskaStrong

You know we hear all the time about how the world is more connected now than ever, how social media and internet access and smart phones give us instant access to things happening all over the world, allowing us the experience news as it breaks. But that’s only half true, isn’t it? Because we’re really only as connected as our newsfeeds and our limited worldview allow us to be. The reality is that we can believe we’re informed and think we’re so “woke” but the only way we can ever really know for sure is to disconnect from our usual channels and push outside our comfort zones and look past the noise and the bullshit being fed to us.

Forgive me if I’m a little irritable right now, but I’m sitting here in a state that is literally drowning. Two-thirds of Nebraska is under water tonight. Entire towns, farms, ranches. Animals are freezing, starving, drowning. Tens of thousands of people have been evacuated from their homes, lost everything. Bridges and roads have been washed away. I’m seeing photos of the devastation in my newsfeed, posted by friends and family. Yet somehow this is all a blip on the national radar, barely a story any of the major news stations are really covering.

Hell, Nebraska got way more coverage when our new state slogan was unveiled a few months ago…”Nebraska. Honestly, it’s not for everyone.” Yeah, that hit the late night circuit. Live with Kelly and Ryan sure had a great time poking fun at it.

Tonight, all of the major news outlets are running the same old stories about who the President is tweeting at today, followed by hard-hitting headlines about April the giraffe giving birth again, the potential for Russell Wilson to sign the biggest NFL contract in history, Lori Loughlin losing out on deals with Netflix and the Hallmark Channel, and Chris Hemsworth snapping selfies with wildlife in Australia.

You know, all the really important things.

But even if we’re laughably called a “flyover state” by a whole lot of people who have never even bothered to get a real glimpse of what Nebraska has to offer, there is absolutely no other place I’d rather be at a time like this. Because if there is one thing we Nebraskans are really great at, it’s facing adversity head-on and taking care of each other.

So yeah, we’re getting bitch-slapped by Mother Nature right now and most of the world isn’t even aware, but we’re standing up and pulling together and I have absolutely no doubt that we’re going to emerge from this stronger than ever. It’s just who we are. It’s just what we do.

We’ll stay #NebraskaStrong

Day 70 – Welcome to Pothole Hell

Temperatures are starting to rise (we’re hitting the 50’s tomorrow and Wednesday!) and the 70 feet of snow we’ve been buried under since…well…forever is finally starting to melt. We’re in a flood watch for the next couple days and the pothole situation is officially out of control.

I already wrote about it at length. CLICK HERE to read my proposed rating system, and let me know what you think.

Day 52 – Snow denial

I don’t tend to be an ostrich sort–you know, one of those people who avoids conflict like the plague and generally tries to quickstep around any unpleasantness. I like to face things head on, tackle the problem.

Let it in and let it go. You know?

But there’s one thing that may have gotten the best of me. There is one thing that I am now officially avoiding because dammit, I just can’t face the reality anymore…

I just saw that we may be in for some freezing rain and another 2-8 inches of snow this weekend. I know. I know. We live in Nebraska and it’s February, but this has reached the point of ridiculousness.

Somebody, please make it stop. And until it does, I’m just going to do my best and try to ignore the fact that, if the weather in Nebraska is any indication, hell may have legitimately frozen over.

Day 37 – Impromptu date night

Impromptu date night after Stevie wrangled a couple extra tickets. Even though the team I was rooting for didn’t end up winning, but it was so much fun to have some drinks and dinner with my hubby, Dad, and Uncle Harry and watch some Husker Basketball.

Best parts of the night:

  1. Being surprised when our selfie ended up on the big screen during a timeout.
  2. Seeing two of my students on the big screen when they were scanning the crowd with the dance cam.

Day 28 – The Pothole Hotline

So with the exception of missing New York deep in my bones, I really enjoy living in Lincoln. I love its character, its history. It’s safe, affordable, and a really great place to raise kids. It’s a great little city, a fun college town.

But with all of that greatness comes a dark side, a lurking evil that threatens to destroy every man, woman, and vehicle–the curse of the potholes.

You know they joke in New York about the never-ending road construction, how there are always cones scattered around and lanes closed for repairs. But honestly, in a city like New York it makes sense. Take the amount of people, cars, trucks, busses, overall traffic in a city that large constantly punishing the roads and yeah, you’re going to need steady maintenance and repairs. But somehow, it all makes sense. There is noticeable progress. Things eventually get fixed, and stay fixed for a reasonable amount of time.

In Lincoln, it makes no sense, ever. At any given time, you’ll find numerous main roads closed for repair, often all at once, which means you have to get seriously creative cutting through residential neighborhoods to get where you need to go in a reasonable amount of time.

And don’t even get me started on the roundabouts. Someone who has been given way too much decision-making power in this town has a serious fetish with roundabouts. They’re ridiculous and they’re everywhere and we keep hearing about this double-decker roundabout they’re planning to build in the southwest part of town. I found this little video online to show how it’s intended to work…

And all I want to know is how much traffic do they honestly think we have in this town that warrants an elevated roundabout to keep things under control? Hell, people can’t even figure out how to navigate the “No Right on Red” signs at certain intersections, so they sit there, blaring their horns and cursing out the people in front of them who are simply trying to get to work on time while obeying the clearly posted traffic laws.

But all of that has nothing on the potholes. I don’t know what this city did when it paved the streets, but holy hell, you’ve never seen a pothole until you’ve seen a Lincoln pothole. I don’t know if there’s a Guinness Book of World Records category, or some sort of Extreme Home Makeover-style contest we can enter, but we’re definitely overdue.

And I’ve got a theory. I think it’s the beet juice brine. The city has been touting this magical formula of beet juice and salt (which they believe is so amazing they actually hired a lawyer to pursue a patent). They mix batches of the stuff and spray it to “pre-treat” the roads for snow and ice. I think the brine is directly responsible for the monster potholes that materialize in the wake of every winter storm–seeping down into the cracks in the concrete, freezing and destroying the structural integrity of the roads.

Prove me wrong.

It’s gotten so bad, the city of Lincoln has a Pothole Hotline. You heard me. They actually built an app called UpLNK that lets you report things like potholes, icy roads, parking violations, downed trees, and dead squirrels flung into the street by neighbors.

Check this out. Here are a few screenshots of the app with my favorite feature, the Issues Map.

You can upload a report and alert the city to issues that need to be resolved. But the best part? You can add a photo.

A photo.

A photo of the pothole you want fixed.

Of course I downloaded the app, and started testing the functionality, but I see one major flaw. The city didn’t really give any sort of rating system for the potholes. I mean, how are they supposed to prioritize if they don’t have any idea of the severity of the issue at hand. Stevie and I did a little brainstorming and we would like to suggest the following become standard Pothole Reporting Procedure:

STEP 1 – Take a clear photo of the pothole. Be sure to insert yourself into the photo or include a friend in the shot for scale.

I’m thinking, something along the lines of this image captured in 2015 in South L.A. would be most appropriate:

But if we really want to get serious, we have to implement a clear pothole rating system, which leads us to…

STEP 2 – Rate the pothole and provide a clear description of the size, location, and severity. Here are the proposed categories:

* – The CD Skipper – A small pothole that you don’t even see coming, but if you still happen to be rocking a CD player in your car, you’re going to skip a track and get annoyed.

** – The Tongue Biter – You might have noticed this pothole right before you hit it, and it was big enough for you to bite our tongue and spill a bit of coffee on your pants. Annoying, but no lasting damage.

*** – The Tire Popper – You saw this one coming, and if you were lucky enough to avoid it, you might be able to go about the rest of your day in peace. If not, you might have to pop the trunk and change a tire because yours just got shredded.

**** – The Axle Buster – You spotted this one a mile away, but if you’re boxed in with traffic, you might not be able to avoid it. Hope you’ve got the mechanic on speed dial, because you’re probably going to need a little work to fix that shimmy.

***** – The Transmission Drop (AKA The Fender Bender) – You saw it. You braced for it. And then you realized you were likely going to total your car, so you tried to pull some sweet evasive maneuver at the last minute. There’s no chance you or your car are making it out of this one without some permanent damage and emotional distress.

STEP 3 – Get your friends to download the app, and repeat. 

The only way things are going to get better is if we all work together. Let’s do this people. And go!