Day 151 – Pathetic

These days it’s almost impossible to find time to write. There’s just too much going on. And in the moments where nothing is happening (which are few and usually quite late in the evenings), I just can’t quite seem to corral my thoughts and make much sense of anything. I hate that. Yet, I haven’t been able to find a way to remedy it.

I used to be able to write anywhere, anytime. I used to be able to shut out the distractions and throw a harness on my thoughts to bring out at least a few pages of something.

But somehow, I’ve just fallen way out of practice. Life has gotten busier, and a whole lot more complicated. ┬áThe distractions have grown larger and more persistent. So, I’m left with half-formed, mushy thoughts that never quite make it fully-formed and onto the page.

Keep writing. Keep writing. Keep writing.

The words are just getting lost. I can’t explain it. And that inner critic is barking loudly.

“You’re kidding yourself.”

“You don’t have any ideas. No original thoughts.”

“No one wants to hear what you have to say anyway.”

“Do us all a favor and just give it up already.”

“You’re no writer. Writers write things. You’re not writing shit.”

And repeat.

But my thoughts keep returning to the unfinished manuscripts, the projects that keep getting shoved aside because everything else keeps taking priority. And the new ideas keep coming too, but I just can’t carve out the time to devote to any of them. I hate myself for it. I’ve never been my best when I’m not writing. Somehow the world just spins on its side and feels unbalanced.

I hate sounding like such a fucking whiner. If you want to write, fucking write. Stop blaming the world for not having enough time and admit that you’re to blame for wasting a lot of the time you could be putting pen to paper.

I think the problem is that I’m waiting for the perfect words to come. I’m waiting or some epic inspiration, some magi that will ignite the pen in my hand and burn words onto the page that will somehow change the world.

The blank page has gotten the best of the, and it’s as if I am suddenly incapable of finding a way to turn the tables and re-establish myself as the one in charge.

But I’ll keep going. I’ll keep writing. Because if I’m nothing else, I’m too stubborn to really quit.

Ringing in the New Year like a Hound

If there’s anything that our sweet Electra is really good at, it’s reminding me of life’s priorities. For all the crap we give our hound about being a bed-hogging rabbit-killing food whore, she really does know how to keep it simple. The only thing Electra ever really gets agitated about is food. And can we blame her? We all need food and water to survive. So if that’s the only thing that really makes our dog go all Jekyll and Hyde, then I’d say she is the only one in this house (and probably most of the civilized world) that really has her priorities straight.

I mean, I like to think of myself as a pretty easygoing person, but let’s face it, there are days when missing a green light on my way to work can set me on edge for the rest of the morning.

Stupid, huh?

But how many of us fall into that same trap? How many of us spend way too much time and energy focusing on the trivial little things we can’t control, things that (in the grand scheme of things) don’t even matter much anyway?

Be honest now.

I, for one, know I’m a helluva lot happier when I just let the little things roll off. Some days it’s easy. Other days, I have to make a very conscious and deliberate effort to shift my focus off of the minor annoyances and onto the things and the people who really matter. But let me tell you, it’s worth the effort. Every time.

So, I’m starting this new year the way Electra is. I’m hanging out in the house, being lazy, enjoying some good food, and searching for the little rays of sunshine that keep me warm and make me happy.

Smart ol’ hound, isn’t she?

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